When you are taking an eight hour road trip to the funeral of someone you loved dearly the circumstances will never be wonderful or ideal. When your body decides to completely fail you halfway through the drive and you think "my goodness I can't even rely on my body to drive myself to a funeral", sometimes quick and quiet tears in the gas station bathroom and an existential argument with yourself is the only way to get through.
Then you come out of the bathroom with dry eyes, walk tall and be thankful you aren't alone with your kids on this trip, thankful for your husband and partner in life who quietly takes over and a life that allows me and my body to fall apart without my life following suit. Just my sanity.
My husband will never know what it means when he does small things like looking up the hotel address and getting directions on his phone in case/ so I could sleep and he wouldn't need to wake me (as the one knowing where we were headed). And like holding his arm in what could only be an uncomfortable position so I could hug it, because man did I need comfort right then and he knew.
This weekend will suck for many reasons, but there are always snippets in your day and life that will (should, must) shine through. Even when you are crying in a gas station bathroom on the side of a highway there will always be a silver lining. Sometimes it's so small you can't find it, but it's there. It has to be there or why are we even here?
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