Sometimes what it means to have a chronic illness is parades and Easter egg hunts in the morning with tears and misery in the afternoon.
I try to stay positive, but today I can't. And what I need to get through to my heart is that that's ok.
It's hard to admit that and to feel that. It feels a bit like a war in my chest. I believe we've discussed this before.
Today was a great great day. This morning was amazing fun with friends at the park where my son got to be in a parade. They did an Easter egg hunt and played on the swings and monkey bars with classmates and old friends. On the way out we got popsicles and tacos from the taco truck. It was warm and beautiful. Idyllic. I made it, I loved it and I was blissfully happy for those almost 4 hours.
I could leave it at that with a remark about how determined I was to do it and how I'm "paying for it but it was worth it!" And I am and it was. But I think feel like in order to learn to be okay with my bad days I need to not always put a happy face on this chronic illness led life we lead. I like to write about my victories or learning from my failures, but today I need to be completely honest and show you what the positive attitude, pushing through the illnesses, pushing through the pain, pure stubbornness and getting out there to do what I WANT to do with my sweet kids and my wonderful husband, rather than what my body wants me to do, looks like after the fun. What it feels like and my "right now" after the Easter Bunny kicked my ass.
No, there is nothing you can do but thank you for the thought 😊
Yes, I will be ok
No, this is not at all unusual or unique. My husband came in to ask if I needed anything and then went back to working on the house because this is just our norm.
Pizza was ordered for dinner.
I am going to try to sleep now. It is 6:40pm.
That's a day in the life of a chronic illness battle.
But it most definitely WAS worth it....
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