I love this quote. Sometimes we all need a reminder of what courage and bravery mean. I tell my kids all the time that being brave doesn't mean not being scared or nervous or anxious, it means feeling all of those emotions and doing it anyway because it's the right thing to do.
But courage I think is a little different. To me courage is an ongoing state of mind vs brave being an immediate and temporary action. If I need to do something I'm afraid of that's being brave in that moment. Living life in the face of adversity and trials and keeping your sense of humor and your self worth and identity in tact is courage to me. Obviously these are just my thoughts on the matter, but that's how I see it in my little world.
I'm not sure all that actually applies here but this quote does. Sometimes just persevering and thinking "I'll try again tomorrow" or "tomorrow will be better" can be courageous. One day at a time is my motto of course, and to truly believe that you need to see each day as an individual blessing, and sometimes even a battle, and fight it while keeping the core of you in tact. I think all of us have battles to fight, we are all courageous and we need to recognize that.
Today my battle is just plain frustrating. My mobility level continues to decrease based on the muscle weakness and neurological disconnect. I can function in spurts but then need to lie down, sometimes sleep, but mostly just turn off my brain and my body. My brain gets exhausted from constantly telling my body to do things and meeting with resistance. Kind of like me with my kids!😁
Alllllllll of those blood tests came back normal or "inconclusive". My MRI shows ankylosing spondylitis in my lumbar spine, so it's moving up, but we knew that would happen and frankly is the least of my problems right now. It showed nothing else that could be causing the severe muscle weakness, tremors and twitching. So off to neurology I go....I feel like a ping pong ball.
The neurologist only does the specific tests he wants to do to me on certain days, so I have to just wait now. Until Dec 8th. Ugh. So I'm just supposed to stay in bed until Dec 8 twitching, shaking and itching from pins and needles and going slowly insane? Yup!
For the technical Part- Lupus is not off the table but it did move down the list based on the blood tests, rheumatological causes of these problems are also still in the running, however based on symptoms and blood tests further testing is needed on the neurology end to piece together the puzzle. You may be asking now "didn't you see a neurologist just a few months ago?"
Why yes I did! He did basic 1st level testing and when the "lupus" test (really just a general autoimmune test, and we know I've got a few of those!) came back positive he sent me back to my rheumatologist and did no further investigation. And rightly so at that point in time.
Now, however my symptoms have gotten considerably worse and more serious, so it's time for 2nd level testing- nerve conduction studies and possible lumbar puncture (spinal tap). There's also another type of MRI they can do that is off in the distance depending on these other results. So, we're in a holding pattern until Dec 8. I'm not sure how we will live and function until then with two small children and me unable to get out of bed, but we have always figured it out in the past and we will again!
Now, Dr Garcia is my neurologist and he's a lovely man, but it might be nice if......
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