Medications and perspective

 All aboard the adderall train! 

I tapered off ritalin, waited for a week or so and began adderall. Adderall thankfully is only one dose per day so I don't have to worry about the ups and downs and timing of doses. And where ritalin was increased every few days, adderall is increased once per week. So there's a lag basically. It's odd because the first 3ish days the side effects were awful, bed ridden about to puke with a splitting headache and anxiety in my chest kind of awful. So much Dramamine involved…

I even asked M at one point "how many days are we giving adderall before we call it?" 

"As long as we need to." Ugh he's right. 

I was ok in the mornings to get the kids through school. But that meant single dad after 2 or 3 for almost 3 days. 

After 3 days they started to subside. Thank goodness because with some meds the side effects take weeks to level out. During the side effect days I definitely felt like I had more energy, but then it started to diminish the rest of the days last week. So, I increased my dose this morning. We'll see! I still need to increase 2 more times (so 2 more weeks after this one) to get to the recommended dose.

These meds are a roller coaster to my emotions also. Moving to Hawaii was one of our "last resorts", stimulants was also a "last resort" that ultimately, according to my California Drs, was out of reach. So now I'm refocusing my eggs into this one basket. Again. This is where the "what if?' train departs from. 

What if it's a fluke that I felt a little better?

What if adderall also doesn't work very well? What then?

What if this is just my life? 

Fun questions all of them. But the answer I have to give myself is in the wise paraphrased words of my husband M: "if this is it we'll deal with it. The important thing to get through this is your attitude." 

Told you he was wise. 

So again I am the "focus on the positive girl" . It's getting harder as the years go by, I'm not going to lie, but hey I walked my son to school and back a couple of days ago and halfway there today. In beautiful warm weather I might add. I'm coherent enough to write this right now. And most importantly we are all healthy in the face of this pandemic. Sooo, so what if I only get 4 usable hours out of each day? Life is pretty great really. It's all about perspective.