Small victory for fireworks and family

It's the 4th of July and we spent the day on the water with good friends eating, kayaking, swimming, water balloon fighting, talking and drinking. It was gorgeous and incredible. 

I sadly felt my body begin to fail about halfway through. But, this is not a diatribe about the frustration of chronic illness or a story about how wonderful, supportive and amazing my friends are (and they are!). No, today I have a story about perseverance and a small victory. 

I sat in shade from the bright, hot sun at a long table full of friends listening and laughing when I felt the familiar feeling of my body starting to just shut down. I excused myself to the house to lie down in the living room for a bit hoping I caught it in time and could rest the clock. The kids, ours and friends, were all playing and having a blast and M was relaxing and enjoying himself. I really didn't want to be the cause of that all ending early and abruptly. So, I sat in the living room with the teenagers and smaller kids and started to feel the familiar dread that comes with the "it's not getting any better lying down" realization.

I was driving home that night so I started to worry about getting us the hour home safely and was constantly assessing my body's attitude toward me this day. 

Friends and my darling hubby, M, came to check on me. To the friends there was an endless stream of "I'm fine"s and "don't worry about me"s, but hubby knows me better and just said "do we need to go?". I insisted no though he looked unconvinced. I wanted to give myself some time to hopefully pull it together, and was determined not to be the party destroyer for my family, as I destroy so many things in their lives. 

I'm happy to say it paid off! M took the kids for a walk, before which I told him I didn't think I was going to make it until sundown (930pm) for the fireworks, but by the time they got back my body was pulling it together! M came in and sat down and said "oh you have color in your face again". Ha! I asked if I'd been pale and he said "oh yeah, sheet white". So, even when I try to hide it he knows. This also explained why he seemed more concerned than usual about my need to leave early and me driving, etc. 

Now the whole point of 4th of July and of us going up to our friends house on the SF Bay was to see the fireworks and my determination to not make my family miss them actually paid off. We stayed until the very end, the kids were happy and crashed in the car. I didn't feel the greatest driving home, but I did it and it was fine.

This may not seem like a big deal to so many of you and it shouldn't really. It's ridiculous that it is such a big deal to me, but in my world this is huge. It's normally huge but lately it seems I've been having more days where I feel like my body is beating my soul, but not today sister!

Soul: 1, body: 0. 

Take that!